I’m gonna be dating a musician or an artist or something — somebody unconventional, who will really get me. I’ll travel the world, seeing all this cool shit that everyone always talks about when they talk about traveling the world. You know, like the Eiffel Tower and the pyramids and stuff. I won’t be famous or anything, but I’ll look like I could be. People will look at me and want my life.

Yeah, right. Like that’s ever going to happen. I’m probably just gonna end up fat and broke and living in some hellhole, probably on my third marriage to some stupid asshole who just sits around and drinks beer whenever he gets home from whatever boring job he does. The only person who will understand me will probably be my therapist who’ll give me “free” sessions for sleeping with him, and I’ll probably just end up spending my nights at the bars, watching all the pathetic losers like me try to drink themselves happy.

Call me whatever you want, but at least I can admit it, unlike most of these other losers here.