I don’t believe in God. Never have done. Why? Because of the toilet.

I’m serious. Where those who believe in the big bearded toymaker in the sky often point to the banana as evidence of a higher design, I point to the porcelain throne as a rather blatant clue that there isn’t.

Putting it bluntly, human beings shit. We eat food, we digest it, and after a few hours the waste comes out the other end. Why? That’s terribly inefficient. Surely any God worth his rep would work His damnedest to make sure that the human body could process everything that passes through it.

And I know, some of you will tell me shit can be used as a manure. Well, we’ve long since evolved past the need or desire to poop wherever we feel, and if God does have a grand plan he’d have taken this into account when he designed our monkey ancestors. And if you believe in intelligent design, I highly doubt God had images of farmers curling one out in the middle of their fields to promote crop growth. Where’s that written in the Bible?