Gravitas-a story with some weight

Cool! This is possibly my favorite genre! I think you did a good job of capturing the “yeah it’s the future, but we’re still humans” kind of feel.

Only thing that I would have to pick it at is that the word ‘suicidate’ is a little goofy sounding. I think you could have found/made up a word that works a little better.

suicide?

yee i’ll change it

Great title. It can be tough to pull off alliteration without being camp and maintaining a good flow.

“Euthanized” would have been a better substitute than “asphyxiated”. If that sort of thing were ever to become acceptable in society, that’s almost certainly the word they would use anyway.

Why is “as it was known” italicized in paragraph three? You’ve got two conflicting uses for italics in this story; I’m willing to accept its use to differentiate between dialogue and narrative, but if you do that, you forfeit all rights to use italics for emphasis.

“He didn’t want to be the cow, but rather to be thin and happy like the rest of the town.” This is a badly written sentence. It’s heavy-handed and awkward. You should never just flat-out state your character’s desires unless you’re writing for children. These sorts of things should be conveyed more subtly because otherwise you’re just insulting the reader.

:D I use italics whenever i want, and differentiate dialog from narrative by using quotation marks. Euthanized is a great word…but asphyxiated demonstrates the manor of death, and the other sentence sounds grammatically correct to me??

Well I think a ‘2’ was a little harsh – particularly because the actual premise is really inventive and quite chilling, so well done on that…

I think you mean ‘trough’ instead of ‘troth’, but I get the meaning.

Most interesting for me was, if yellowbadgers are ’lardo’s’, how’s a redbadger going to be treated?

Not perfect – some of the critiques above stand, but I enjoyed it nonetheless – MH :)

Yea…my above comment should be regarded as extreme tiredness and the inability to accept that I make mistakes :)

I agree with his comment, except for the cow sentence. I don’t understand that. I don’t see how that reflect and insults the reader. I’m calling my character a cow, no one else.