maxiie, has pedido algo más largo – te doy esto.

maxiie, your corrections and suggestions are eagerly awaited.

Clumsy spanish and cluttered narrative, did you use an online translator? (I am a spanish native speaker)

No, CAV, I did not. Your criticism is actually very positive, if all you can find wrong is style. Surely there must be specific mistakes which you could correct? That would be more helpful.

Let me read it again because I don’t get it…!

Spanish is so difficult! Even I have to use a dictionary every now and then