Who goes on vacation to Haiti? that’s preposterous!

Honestly, I don’t think that the afterlife thing fits very well. If you had stuck with the just the “am I alive?” mystery it would have worked better.

Chris. This is a good plot. Just a couple of things of note. Re read your story out loud and you will find grammar, and person errors plus your present and past tense is mixed in the sentence structures. Will be a really good ficly if you polish it up.

Thanks I changed some things

Good. Just a couple of helping hints Chris.
1.The girl believed she was dead. (Possible)
2.She HAD been knocked(or comatose) out for days.
3. I would leave out the sentence where she only remembered BEFORE she woke up. Kinda funny when she was comatose and still remembering.
Probably use another word like trapped instead of stuck. Makes it read a little better.
These are just suggestions but someone may also offer some good advice along the way. Cheers.

great advice on this piece, i think people really want it to shine!