This is awesome. Truly awesome. I’d always wondered if people with common names would eventually rebel.

Good twist at the end there – I like the way you write.
Very good depiction of how frustrated John’s thoughts must have been.

As a Smith myself I am both amused and disturbed. Bravo.

I read this after the sequel, and I have to say that the sequel is far superior. The opening paragraph here is somewhat awkward in a couple of places. You forgot the word/letter “a” in the phrase “it’s not particularly,” and the third sentence in the paragraph reads funny with the multiple “ands.”

I’m not sure what specifically needs to be done, so I’m not much help really.

This is the first thing I put wrote on this site and all this time I never saw the missing “a” so thanks. And it’s fixed now.

I really didn’t want to sequel my own work, seems to be antithesis to the purpose of Ficly. You are supposed to write short works not dole them out over three or four sections.

But in reality I’m lazy and couldn’t think of anything else to write today. I toyed around making the next piece 51,323 and then next week 51,322 and so on. But I don’t have that kind of time and who the f wants to read that anyway.

And I already saw the typo in my last comment

As far as sequeling your own work being antithetical to the purpose of the site, I’d have to disagree. The site encourages collaboration through multi-user story arcs, but it doesn’t frown on single-user stories.

Look at it this way. Just because your iPod was designed as a music player doesn’t mean you can’t use it to occasionally carry large non-media files around. The ice pick wasn’t invented as a murder weapon, but it sure can be used as one. There are lots of things out there that have multiple uses, all valid. Same thing applies here.