What I like about this one is that it’s horrific, but there isn’t a horrific character – it’s more a horrendous situation, and because it’s not sci-fi or fantasy, the realism is there, which makes it really chilling!

Good stuff – though I would replace ‘when’ with ‘as’. Personal taste. MH :)

Thanks, M.H.! I actually like “as” better too so I changed it. :-)