This is an interesting premise. My mind wants to make this bar into a mystical location. I’m contemplating just such a sequel.

Well done, you draw us in with the pianist and then turn to the real action. This also makes me want more!! I feel like Quentin Flint (I’m too scared to call him by any other name) would’ve had some other reason to kill the boy. Sequel?

Bizarre, but could still be grounded in reality. It does have that senseof the Twilight Zone episode with teh omnipotent kid in control of everyone in the house. Nicely told with both the piano player’s exasperation and the bartender’s desperation to avoid something drastic happening. Nice job putting in little details, like the same song for some time played every day, to give the idea of what’s wrong with the place.

Hints of mob ties to me. Some punk kid puts his nose were it doesn’t belong… I really liked the first line. Billy Joel’s Piano Man started running through my head.

awesome! I was thinking western.. but with a modern flair, like steampunk.. hm, if you made the piano more of an organ.. :)

I was thinking western as well. I sometimes wonder what parents are thinking when they name their children…
Who is this guy anyway!?

5

- I got carried away by my rage at Quentin and posted a comment which used language too foul for some perhaps, so I deleted it to forestall any complaints.

Wow. Nice bit of 20’s New York, i think. other people have said Western but I didn’t get that feeling… I get a dusty jazz age speak-easy supplied by the underground mobs of New York
I love the way the view the reader has seems to pan around like a film, focusing on the small details first, giving a background, before the story is perfectly culminated in that beautifully short exchange. And the mystery shooter! because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Quentin — uh, I mean, Quentin Flint.
Absolutely awesome and I’m sorry I didn’t get to read this sooner.

This is great! I love the connections to Piano Man. Very intriguing.