I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the films. Zombies like brains, and intestines, and flesh in general. Zombies are drawn to flesh much like a fat American is – was – drawn to a Big Mac. You can’t really blame them.

There is also the degenerative disease that makes a zombie a zombie – AAAAGH BRAAAAAAINS – and all that, which is highly contagious. You get it when a zombie bites you, and that seems to be the only thing that zombies ever want to do do. So chances are high of you contracting it.

There are two inherent problems.

The first is scarcity: humans are always decreasing in numbers, via either fatality or conversion, while zombies, due to the latter, are growing in numbers. If only zombies ate each other, you know? They don’t.

The second problem is that humans are STUPID. The solution is not to survive, but to die! Either join the zombie apocalypse, or let them eat you. Zombies aren’t going away.

So, Survivors Anonymous: you all have a problem.