“I take personal offence to that comment!”

“What? It wasn’t meant to be personal!”

“Andy, how can ‘Jump off a cliff you crazy bitch’ not be meant personally?”

“This is an argument situation Jenny! People say things like that!”

“OK. Why don’t you shave off that pathetic excuse for a beard you’ve been trying to grow for the past two months, stop pretending you’ve read any books by Tolstoy, and start washing your own laundry instead of taking it to your parents’ house?”

“Hey!”

“Oh, sorry Andy, I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just we’re in an ‘argument situation’, remember?”

“Well yeah, but I was only making a general statement. You’re just rude!”

“Truth hurts, huh?”

“If you must know, some of my stains need expert attention.”

“You’re not funny Andy! I’m tired of all this. We’re finished. I’m leaving.”

Silence.

“I’ve read War in Pieces.”

“It’s War and Peace, Andy.”

The noise of a door slamming is even louder when it’s not just in your face it’s in your heart.

“Tell me about it.”