I can’t tell whether you’re intending to sequel – I presume so because otherwise it’s not really an entry!

Whether the language is neccessary is a debate I don’t think I can be bothered to start – I’ll let it slide because actually this is a decent piece of work with an interesting narrative voice…

Thanks for entering – MH :)

>_< Thanks. The language was hard to omit because I’m trying to go for the Lolita-feel.

Which totally ruined the surprise : D

Um It’s at LEAST going to be a four part-er. I’m not sure because there will be two narrators. Sahara herself and mysterious Jim who narrated this part.

It’s going to very almost very very creepy. That’s the best way I can describe it… Please don’t look down on me when it’s done u___u

And thank you so much for the comment : D~

Wow a big series entry!

As long as it’s done by the challenge deadline any length is fine so don’t feel you have to squeeze things in awkwardly…

I must confess you’ve worried me with your foreshadowing of creepiness, but I’m honour bound to read on! In fact, I’ll follow you. MH :)

: D Ahaha I’ll at least two parts every day if I decide it’s going to be really long.

No more than ten parts… I promise…

>_< thank you for following me. Good god you’re making me happy all over the place xD

After this I should write a fluffy happy-go-lucky story where nothing bad happens ever.

great descriptions! *waiting on more :)

Good description, though definitely ranging into the lurid. Had a somewhat redundant feel in places, like the luck or rack discussion in the conditional and then confirmed one sentence later as reality. Seems like that could have been shortened to just saying it was either her looks or luck, since she had both. Minor point, but the whole thing just felt a bit over-done to me. She’s hot and gambles, got it, and maybe could have been gotten in less than two paragraphs.
Just nit-picking, as it is an overall well-written, taking each paragraph on its own.

Aha thanks for the comment, I was writing it from the point of view of the character (let’s call him Nameless Jim for now). How can I say this without giving too much away… he’s in a hurried moment… looking back at something recent. If you read the sequel (or actually it should be a prequel) it’s hurried with dialogue.

They are both adequate trips into a CHARACTER’S state of mind. Writing and grammar follow afterward.