A little convoluted here – it feels like you’ve stretched that sentence on for as long as humanly possible!

In a challenge like this, I think every word needs to count for something, but this waffles a little. Nice premise – you can’t go wrong with a scream from the boy’s room, but maybe the execution could have been a little cleaner…

Still, welcome to Ficly, good to see a new writer throwing themselves in with a challenge… MH :)

You’re right. And now when I read it I’m thinking to myself, “Why did I even put in the phrase about a dream?” It would read much better and be more clear without that in there.