A fantastic concept. Though it does seem as though the dragons were a bit of a footnote and could easily have been replaced. That’s only relating to the challenge of course.

I also think that you could have broken up the story into paragraphs to make it more dramatic. It’s dramatic as it is, but could be even more so.

However the idea is stellar and your creativity awes me.

It seems like the end is slight bit redundant. “Writing had been forgotten. How would they revive dragons when they could not remember how to write a single word?”

Those sentences can probably be combined.

This is a nice starting point for a backstory.

I was actually thinking the same thing.

Neat fantasy, but for me a it read more like a allegory for writing and the arts as enriching to a society but also dangerous in that ideas and messages can inflame the populace, causing as much damage as they do benefit.

Which means that throughout the development of the storyline, the allegory can develop into how writing is needed, even though it may be used for nefarious means.

I think the idea here is very strong indeed, but the blatant lack of paragraphing here makes your writing a pain to read, and will almost definitely turn some people away at first glance.

Which would be a shame, because, as mentioned, the content is stellar – a combination of narrative and philosophy that fulfils challenge requirements at the same time as opening up a whole new realm of possibility.

So please, please sort out your paragraphing – I’m giving you a four on the basis that as a new user you may well take my advice – I don’t mean to be abrasive, I just see potential here that could do with a quick and easy polish…

Welcome to Ficly! MH :)

Thanks for the comments – I’ve split into paragraphs, so it’s hopefully an easier read.

A great story, however, I have this reflex that forces me to merely skim-read unbearably huge amounts of writing. After much concentration and a nose-bleed, I found a pocket of awesome sauce. Good story.

I now find this easier to read, I must expand, I must have been the last person to read the previous version. I enjoy this one much more.

Yes. Much more appealing to the optical nerves. (Not that I have any)

You do have fiber optics though. It’s an easier signal to decode from your visual inputs.

I’m always lookin out for the humans. Its my prime directive. (except for when Im killing them)

Good work – now it’s top notch all round… MH :)

I love the idea that they have to rely on the things they’ve set out to destroy.

a vicious circle.. reminds me of how we marvel at how the ancients built structures like Parthenon and the Palace of Knossos and the Pyramids.

Ed was right. The first time I looked at this it was one big paragraph and I didn’t bother reading. But, seeing as you made changes, I actually read it and it was amazing.

Though, I must agree, the dragon part was a bit forced.

Really love the idea and concept here… and you hooked me in the first paragraph, very nice… looking fwd to reading more

Second Place goes to rawrchiteuthis for Write? Preposterous! The entry sparked a very good series of sequels that I hope to get back into at some point. I must know what happens to Dathla and company.