I think it has a pretty interesting tone, but it switches tense a few times in the middle. From present (“I’ve been growing impatient”) to past (“I took the shot…big deal?”) then back to present tense. I don’t know. I’m feeling the story is wrapped up a little too early, suspense is done with by the end, and the sniper’s nonchalance didn’t draw me in as much as it could have.

Of course, that’s my opinion, and I’ve been a little jaded about writing recently. I realize this comment probably reads more negative than positive because of it, but I did like the story.

I enjoyed it, I think you really capture the sniper’s impatience in the first paragraph. However, I will agree that you could have timed it better.

Thanks. I’m going to have to remember to time it a little better next time. I probably should have focused it more on his impatience more, rather than the way I did it.