Interesting. This is a nice start to something. Why do I have the feeling that Flo isn’t quite human?

A nice start, though it feels…almost. I almost followed what was going on, I think is what I mean. Somewhere in the transition between spending time with the new friend and meeting the new friend, I think I got a little lost. It might have worked in a longer piece where you could afford to be a little clearer about the flashback. It’s not terrible here, just a little confusing, enough to make it almost right.

I did have some trouble fitting this story to the character constraints. I’m going to have to get used to the shorter length, which means deciding what details are the most important.

A phrase comes to mind after the reading.

It risks trivializing impact, pulling the meaning down to a vulgar (as in, common) level – but somehow I don’t think you… or she… would mind.

“Go with the Flo.”