I do think that you could have left out the viewing yourself in the mirror bit because the reader can usually figure that out. Or on the flip side, include the characters reaction.
There are a few spelling mistakes, typos and forgotten words here and there that you might want to check out too.
I also don’t think you make full use of the character limit. I think you could really make it so much more effective with more word-meat.
Lastly, paragraphs or I will kill you with my lazers.
Third Robot said it all, I think. From a more subjective stance, something about the structure made it feel somewhat flat, emotionally speaking. Some great descriptions in here that show some potential, so keep working at it.
Aye. The lack fo paragraphs hurt my eyes (I have often mentioned my antiparagraphingwillkillmeitis in comments. I loved the comical aspect with the aspirin.
The Third Robot 
THX 0477 
H.S. Wift 
Ellizabeth