Cooking a turducken for dummies

Ok. So you want to learn ’ow to cook ze turducken. Ze turducken is a rare delicacy in my ’ome country of France.

You will need:

A turkey
A chicken
A duck
250ml vinegar
2 Eggs
Some Seasoning
Some ’orse poopy
Ze essence of farts
An urn of sacred ashes

To start with, we take ze turkey and we add some extra feavers, by sticking zem on with ze ’orse poopy. Eet is important, as with every bird, to give eet some extra pluck. Repeat wiv ze duck and ze chicken. When ze birds smell like ze man, John Prescot, zen zer is eenuff feavers added.

Next, we mix ze vinegar, ze eggs and ze essence of farts, and we pour half of ze mixture into ze anus of ze turkey. When zis is completed, we stick ze head of ze duck into ze anus of ze turkey. Wait for ze mixture to harden. Zis will take 15 minutes. Repeat wiv ze duck’s anus and ze chicken’s head. Put on a tray on top of ze sacred ashes. Cook for 50 minutes at 3000 degrees C. As a fun activity, see if you can work out which ashes are sacred and which are turducken.

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