“But come on, Professor Fortune, what’s with the cape? A bit Bela Lugosi, isn’t it?” The host beams as the audience laughs and cheers appreciatively. I smile the same smile I used on the Time magazine cover. I’ve heard it all before: Dungeons and Dragons jokes, Harry Potter jokes, Merlin jokes.

I caught a glimpse of the broadcast of this very interview while I was fighting Mephistophelon a week ago. I know they won’t air this part, so I answer truthfully. “It’s actually not a cape, Stephen. It’s a piece of the shed skin of a Planar Whale, a creature that siphons the dreams of mortals like an Earth whale siphons krill. This garment shields my mind from my foes, most of whom would otherwise shred my sanity in an instant. That is why I traded half my soul for it.”

I am sitting close enough to the host that I can see his smile become strained at the edges. The cameras wouldn’t pick up on it, but it doesn’t matter. We’re coming up on a pun about Gandalf that will make it into the final broadcast instead.

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