Oh, oh. That’s so sad…I wonder why she shot her, though. Was she sick? I guess, since she was suffocating…that’s gotta be such a hard thing to watch.

I’m interested in why this has happened. Sequel?

Look at the title.
I think this is a really good ficly, although when you break off a sentence as in the first and penultimate lines you shouldn’t use a full stop, unless that was the point and you were using full stops to emphasise the finality…
I have confused myself.
Anyway, i still think it’s good and thanks for entering!

I like the tone of this. So twisted, but sad. I sort of agree with PJ, I would have preferred not so full of a stop at just so…painful and the gun and…shot you. But that could just be a difference in our voices. Good one!

Liked this…

I think I interpreted the gun shot differently – I was thinking maybe she’d shot the sister, put her in the coma, then euthanized her.

But I’m twisted….

There is something a little jagged about this. Not that jagged edges are bad, but I think it is almost like two different stories trying to fit together in the center along a jagged seam.

Yeah, I can see what you were going for with the full stops, but I think it did more to upset the flow in a bad way than good. I’m not sure of a better way of conveying shock; maybe an ellipses and a line break is enough.

Maybe I should change the full-stop stuff? Anyways thanks for the comments! :D

I like this, and the mix of emotions you’ve conveyed. I agree with the others that the uneven flow is a good idea but may have put a few unnesecary bumps in the road. And now I’m all tangled up in mixed metaphors…

Anyway, one suggestion is that I’d change one of the "you"s or "I"s to the other in the first two sentences, just for some regularity. Nice work!

I did some changes. :D

Hope its better.

Thanks for all the comments.