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"You're Such a Good Friend!"

You wanna know what bugs me? I’ll tell you what bugs me.

Friends.

Who needs ‘em? I mean, last weekend I took a train from London to Glasgow to help my friend who was having a bloody boyfriend crisis. And yet when I tell her over the phone that I have cancer, I get a box of chocolate and some ’kind words’.

Two months ago I took a plane to Dublin to help my friend through her mother’s death and yet when she received a letter from me asking her to come over and help me through an abortion, excuses returned – too much work, still grieving.

I am “such a good friend” but what if I don’t want to be the shoulder to cry on, the one who’ll drop everything to see you through your minor troubles. My life isn’t so bright and shiny. It’s stained and grey and covered in shadow. My mask smiles and tells you it’s all okay, but inside I cry for my own shoulder to cry on and not a pillow.

I am “such a good friend” but sometimes I need “such a good friend” too.

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