Nice moment, and with the poem tied neatly to the end it has a very ominous, dramatic feel.

Couple of typos with since for sense and a to for a too. Might help that first paragraph to find a synonym or two for mist since you use the word 3 times in rapid succession.

Not sure what was edited, but this really works…has a nice sense of forboding and epic tone.

Yay, another book-starter! I like the tone.