i think your big paragraph is great beginning! plenty of description, put that vacation bit at the end and start telling us about your intended plans and how they went awry. :)

ah that is soo much better! too bad you didn’t continue.. :) i want to hear more!

hey take out, blistering hot, not good to have two blistering’s in there back to back. :)

This is an interesting begining. I am intrigued to know more.