There’s a girl out on the dancefloor, but how am I supposed to get her to like me? Heterosexuality’s not exactly my defining feature. Skinny jeans and cardigans were the only way to go, but it looks like Oxfam employees aren’t the ones who know how it works.

Give me a minute while I fiddle with my hair: you can keep telling me it looks good but I’m the one who cares. I’m the one who might get laid.

I don’t want to talk to her in case she tells me her favourite band isn’t my favourite band.

I tried to show her I liked her by getting with her boyfriend.

Man, I wish I had some sage advice to give to me: Indie Handbook: Volume 3?

You haven’t got a different sound.
You aren’t part of the underground.
No amount of faking will make your indie band ground-breaking.

Wow, when did the indie music scene become so over-fussed?

She’s outside now hailing a cab. Feel like I could cry, although that’s hardly the reason why.

Time to move on, anyway. I’ll see you guys at half ten.
Tomorrow we can do it all again.