That is…wow. O.o
I am actually, speechless. Oh man, you did amazing with this! I can actually see it in my head. It’s going to be going through my mind all day. Bananas!

Very powerful imagery, very evocative. It’s hard to write about a scene like this without immediately having the reader think of various similar scenes, in the Exorcist, the Emily Rose movie, Constantine, whatever. But I think you’ve done well here.

I like how this ends and once again, your description is very good.

For me, the seventh paragraph felt a little weak and the ‘we’ at the beginning threw me a little, especially when your point of view changed to ‘I’.

Aside from that this is a very strong challenge entry. It’ll be hard to beat :)

Oh, heck of an action scene there. Very disturbing, with a lovely mix of demonic possession, child abuse, and losing some fingers. Very nicely done.

Disturbing, yes, but also very well written. :)

Good, but I feel like it isn’t over. Is the implication that she is going to eat the rest of him, or just his fingers?

Eek. I am severely creeped out here. Good one! One small thing: the comma between save and writhed is unnecessary. Otherwise…awesome!

Good work. Just the right amount of gruesome. And to be honest, I know a kid named Megan I would not mind slapping.

I also love the description… and the ending. I think you did very well, considering that you’re working within a very “clichéd” sub-genre.

I would’ve wanted to get further away from the “priest man & young girl” to make it even more unique, but still good job!

Thank you for your support and all of your comments. I think my story is cliched too but sometimes I have to write what I see in my head and it is hard to argue with myself.
@ Clockwork: Good eye and fixed!

Ooooh nasty (in a good way). More than a little creepy. Nicely constructed.

One tiny comment, though. “Envelop” rather than “envelope”. Somehow, I doubt that the demon wants to put the mother’s fingers into a paper container and post them somewhere. Could be an interesting twist on your twist…

I think what really makes this story work is the use of “chewing” rather than “biting.” It feels a lot more visceral and nasty. Well done!

GJ sir robert quick

Mr. Quick I will have you know I give this story my seal of approval.

(for whatever it’s worth)

i like it a lot!

Damn. How’s the preacher going to point out Sunday’s sinners with missing fingers?

I got chills. Very engaging!

This feels very Constantine to me, and thus my opinion is tainted. I think I would have appreciated it better if I had not seen that movie before reading this.