some sort of demon weapon took the sister? dramatic, turbulent, and a little confusing in its execution, but very detailed.

Whoa. That was intense…a little confusing yes, but intense. I want to know more about what it was that took the sister. Before that part it seemed realistic, but then maybe took a turn towards fantasy?

As soon as the sister howled at the moon I got a real fantastical vibe. I get a real sense of 19th century gothic here, dark moonlit scenes and beautiful imagery. I love it!

Well, I think I tried to fit too much in and paid for it. Thanks for the feedback, guys. This is what happens when I have a novel’s worth of story in my head and try to cram it into a ficly.

The descriptions are good, but it is a little confusing exactly what is going on. I first thought a natural disaster, then that whole inky tendrils thing threw me off. But your words are great!

I found this brilliantly bad… let me explain: with each paragraph I kept saying to myself, “Man, THX is an amazing wordsmith”, and then at the end I said “I must of missed something, because all the pieces don’t fit together.” I re-read it 6 times, and each time I had the same “THX is amazing, but something is missing” conversation with myself.

This was like one of my favorite movies, “Snakes on a Plane”: the plot stinks, but it has Samaul “F-N” Jackson in it.

I guess what I’m saying is this: even though this was not the most coherant of your writing, it was still written my THX “F-N” 0477

I like this a lot. The confusion is well-played, although I feel a little irritated (similar to Krulltar) that I don’t seem to be able to “get it”. Proper awesome sauce, nonetheless.

As has been mentioned, pretty confusing, probably due to trying to fit too much into a fic. But, as has also been mentioned, very well worded such that every sentence works well within itself. The last paragraph in particular painted an incredibly vivid picture in my head – I suspect it would make a great fic by itself with only a few more words to provide a bare-bones setting.

In a way, I can see how the confusion could play a role in the story – if it were being viewed by an outside perspective. A person on the street witnessing these events wouldn’t really know what was going on. Then again, a person on the street wouldn’t be so eloquent in their description of what is transpiring.

I agree with Scott; something of the necessary details is missing in the midst of the vivid and artful description of what is happening.