Wow, you’re on a writing roll. This series seems to have some potential to me but is a bit abrupt at points. Keep working on it, though, it could turn out really well.

I like this installment, though. It seems mostly like a fairly convincing scene.

Also, what’s with him picking her up? I thought he was too weak to stand just a few hours ago.

Sorry if I sound like I just dumped on you.

No I love the constructive criticisms hah don’t worry. But yeah this was a dream I had, so that probably explains the abrupt points because I wrote it more like the dream than an actual story.