Silly scenario told in dead-pan seriousness, which worked well, very much in the mind of an pre-adolescent boy. The flashback conversation about the security guard didn’t quite work for me. Maybe just the one comment with a ‘had’ thrown in to emphasize it was a previous comment? Just a thought. Fun little scenario.

ah, the joys of camp! My camp didn’t have a security guard, but times have changed. :P I think it fits as a present tense comment, skip the whole ‘in the past’ thing.

Thanks for the comments! Yeah I don’t know why I had that conversation in the past, made sense when I was writing it, but now reading it fresh, I can see the problem with it. So I have changed it. Thanks again!