“Honey! I traded the cow for something awesome!” Stanley said as he returned home. His wife gave him an exasperated look as she had long ago realized she’d married beneath her intellectually. “For the love of…” she muttered to herself as she went outside to see what Stanley had done this time. First he traded the magic beans she’d grown for a friggin’ cow and now she could only assume he’d somehow managed to find a way to make it worse.

She stepped outside to see Stanley standing next to a cow. Not just any cow, but the same cow. Her palm met her face with great haste.

“That’s right, baby. Two words. Magic… cow. Ta-da!” he said proudly, presenting the cow as if on a game show.

“That… is the same cow.”

“Oh, no, my dear. The old cow was just a regular cow. This cow? magic. All kinds of magic. This guy took the old cow and for just an additional 50 gold pieces, sold me this entirely magical cow.”

“No, he just got you to look away while he put a hat on the old cow. We’re getting a divorce.”