How can I talk to you when you are not in front of me.
The things I have done are so terrible…
The things I must do…

I have to keep my face in stone.
Don’t cry
Don’t pale
Don’t falter.

My father is across the oceans, and so I am the father to my brothers,
The male impression that must shape them.

Now you understand.
How can I talk to you when you are not in front of me.
How can I write what I feel, when what I feel is so big, and I am so small.

And yet, what I feel is indifference.

I sit in the darkness,
Away from the light,
And the cuts across my skin show my weakness,
To balance the stone strength I pursue in daylight hours.

How can I talk to you when you are not in front of me.
How can I make you understand when you can not see the hurt in my eyes,
The clenching of my fists,
The rise and fall of my chest as it pumps so hard to keep my heart beating.

A heart beating for a life
That
Isn’t
Worth
Living.