Funny last line, an amusing little bit of honest reflection in the calm after the storm. A few little grammar things, like it should be ‘moms’ basements’ if it was ‘fat guys’. The ‘one stint in prison…’ could have been left out, since it’s all but stated by the ‘ever again’. Just nitpicking a fun bit of adventure that really shows a lot about your protagonist in terms of determination and care/concern for Nadya.
Funny last line, an amusing little bit of honest reflection in the calm after the storm.
A few little grammar things, like it should be ‘moms’ basements’ if it was ‘fat guys’.
The ‘one stint in prison…’ could have been left out, since it’s all but stated by the ‘ever again’.
Just nitpicking a fun bit of adventure that really shows a lot about your protagonist in terms of determination and care/concern for Nadya.
I thought the last line was a nice little amusing bit at the end as well.
Thanks guys. I fixed it, and I think it flows better.Thanks for the suggestion, THX.
We have the truth! The leader of the rebellion. Nadya is one lucky chick. ;) I really love this story. Really shows the sudden storm after the thrills of rebelling against the man.
THX 0477 
Le Héros Tragique 
Charlie K 
Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))