Nirvana! =)

You capture that almost unexplainable ‘sunset’ feeling of hope and despair, calm and fear, wonderfully here.

I don’t know whether you need those first few lines of dialogue, it feels like you’re trying too hard to put a structure to it when it could just be a free-flowing, ambiguous ‘feeling’ piece…

Also there are a few grammar and spelling things such as ‘cherp/chirp’ and the unneeded capitalisation of ‘once’.

But, I loved it. The atmosphere of your writing is spot-on here, it really drew a reaction from me and that’s special.

So sort out the loose ends and you’ve got a phenomenal five on your hands – MH :)

i like it the dialoge at the begining gives you a personal feeling. and as MH said you captured the ‘sunset’ beautifully

I think MH pegged it, a lovely, atmospheric sort of mood piece, even if I’m not entirely sure what went on or what’s going on or what will happen.

So, I’m confused but right there with ya on the mood.

the mood was more important to me i guess then everything else. thanks for all the comments, I am just happy people are reading my stuff =). I am definitly going to double check and spell check again because I stopped doing it out of laziness