I’ve always liked the idea of running away. Leaving everything and becoming completely unknown. Starting over, surrounding yourself with unfamiliarity, exiting your problems with no explanation.

It’s what I dream about sometimes, it’s what I escape to in my head when there’s nothing else I can do. I know I’ll never do it. I just like knowing I can.

I think of the runaway me, the new me, the annonymus me. The one that was brave enough to leave. For real, not like the nine year old me. This me doesn’t come back, this me doesn’t get scared.

Never get scared.

That’s the new me’s motto. The one thing she lives by. But she’s… not me. Because no, I’m not brave enough to leave, like her. I don’t have the guts to just let it all go and leave everyone else to clear the damage. I can’t just… become no one again.

That’s the strong Alyssia, the runaway, the girl I dream about being. That girl’s not me. I’m just… Alyssia, the one who just sits here, wishing. Wishing wishing wishing, but too scared of doing.

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