Dear God,

I know I should be sorry
For the jelly beans I stole
When I was six years old
From the confectionary
Aisle of Sainsbury’s,
Especially as my brother,
Not the short one but the other,
Bought me some blueberries
That same day.

I should be very sorry
For that time I swore loudly
During the nativity of
Your son’s blessed birth
As my ma sat watching proudly
In the second row, but
I tripped on the wooden stage,
And, despite my age,
I yelled a massive “Cunt!”
From inside a bale of hay.

I guess I should be sorry
For that time in Devon
When I shoved my brother,
Yes, this time it was the other
Brother, and, oh, was I in heaven
As he looked around at who
Could possibly have pushed him,
And I watched from the jungle gym
As he stared around with eyes of blue
Tearing up.

So maybe I am sorry
But these were childish endeavours
And you know that I would never
Cause you to so worry
For the safety of my soul,
And for that I am truly sorry,
So please let me into Heaven?