The descriptions in this are absolutely amazing =]

I’m glad you like it. I’m proud of this one.

Wow. Made me feel like I was the general. Except I wouldn’t have been yelling kill me coward. xD Sequel I hope? :D

The snapshot aspect of a single moment, I like it!

I don’t know why humiliation in stories always makes me squirm – I kind of feel his pain…

In a good way, you understand – because this was a very strong piece of writing. You set your scene well in the first paragraph and then the dialogue is really effective – there might not be much context, but I don’t think we need any to get the sheer loathing between these characters.

Any musical theatre buffs out there? This reminds me of Les Miserables – Valjean letting Javert live although he could have killed him – that idea of being ‘saved’ by your mortal enemy is surely the most humiliating thing to go through – the Captain owes his life to one he truly hates…

I’m babbling, but there’s just a lot of content here that sets up well for sequels – or even prequels. Well done indeed PJ – MH :)

Yes, I think a lot of that came from the same scenario in Les Mis :) it’s my all time favourite musical. Have seen it seventeen times (and I’m only 17 myself!!).
The main thing is that that image of someone begging for death is one of the saddest images I can imagine. All those periodical dramas where they can;t stand to be defeated really hit deep. Like samurai who kill themselves if they lose.

PS I can’t beleive I got 5 pencils from MH!!!!!

He gives them out too often.

What? No he doesn’t! Neither you nor MH hardly ever give out 5’s. If anyone gives out 5’s too often it’s me.

this got “We will Rock You” by Queen stuck in my head…which is a good thing.

You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
Kickin your can all over the place

I really liked this… although I would have liked to see the narrator brazenly defy his death by saying “freak u, you flaming orange flag freak”… but, I guess I’ve watched the “edited for TV” version of Die Hard one too many times.

to help balance out all the 4 and 5 pencils ratings for this, I’ve decided to give it a 1 pencil rating… you should feel really special, I rarely give out only one pencil (in fact this may be the first time). Do you feel special now, pumpkin? :)

This is awesome and needs a sequel. Maybe even a prequel.

Good vocab, too. Tabard. I liked that. Overall, epic as previously reviewed.

This was positively smothered in awesome sauce, PJ. I loved the epic vocabulary and awesome bit at the end, where the protagonist begs for the sweet release of death.

@Krulltar, you don’t have to balance out 4s and 5s on a story that already kicks ass. I rate 5 to balance out your 1, and to rate 5 as it deserves. I should rate 10…

@N. Robertson, Maybe you should sequel?

Very well written. You definitely set the scene perfectly :D

Maybe I’m biased because I’m right in the middle of “A Song of Fire and Ice,” but this is great.

Dark Hillbilly’s comment resonates with me – this reminds me of ASOIAF. Which is a really, really good thing.

This is really good. I’m very impressed. You’ve got some wonderful descriptions and I felt for the captain. Why does he want to be killed? Does he feel dishonored because of his defeat? Nice work.

This was quite effective. You conveyed the setup without needing to spell out all the backstory. A powerful little scene. Well done!

I can only agree with the rest of the group. Well done.

dude this was freakin amazing i would give it 99 pencils but since luke didnt think it was even good enough to put up a pic screw it luke is making me give it a one.
i want to justly reward it but lukes apathy is rubbin off…..hehehehehehehe

aww, no, this DESERVES a five you cheapskates!

My only concerns are the line “a lance was thrust into my face” (which I first took to be literal) and then later “He raised his lance, keeping its point aimed at my stomach.” If the lance was in his face at first, or at least at face level, how could the enemy knight later raise the point to his stomach?

That’s a small quibble that barely detracts from an otherwise wonderful story.

I loved this story, hope you don’t mind the prequel. This makes me want to start a “low fantasy” challenge. We’ve seen wizards and dragons and magic, but how about some just plain medieval stories?

No, the prequel was a nice addition. I think at the time I read it it was late so I didn’t have enough brainpower to write a coherent comment. :P