Nice thoughts, but try separating them into more clear paragraphs, so it’s easier to read.

Interesting thought, overall.

MEDIC! Hmm, this needs a setting. :) Is it metaphorical?

It’s inside someone’s mind

And this shouldn’t be marked mature, it could be misleading.

Well it might be pretty depressing to some people. And I never used to mark anything as mature until people started telling me to.

Interesting stream of thoughts, but it was a bit disjointed and ambiguous. The change from present to past tense between the 1st and 2nd paragraphs felt a bit odd.

Also, Get a Pic!

This is really interesting, sort of a stream of consciousness. Makes me wonder about the character…what’s going on in this story? I agree about the tense change and paragraph breaks, but otherwise this was really good!

interesting and I like stream of consciousness but some breaks and clean up would make it stronger. Your fourth sentence is also awkward to read.

This is really intriguing; I can definitely see it being the start of something. Paragraph separation would be nice, but good job with this!

Chris I think this is the start of a good new beginning on ficly =D

This is really good! The inner turmoil is really telling of the character’s situation without need of setting or names. One thing: the last line is a little choppy, there’s nothing wrong with combining words like you do in regular conversation!

This is what I would say. This is actually classified on fictionpress to what people call a ‘pillowbook’ I’ve read lots of pillowbooks and they were very nice. Now this is the end of a clearly irrelevant comment about pillowbooks that focus on one’s life and thoughts.