This has potential, but… fix the tenses!!!

Yeah, I get annoyed about that. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re switching from past tense to present. “He fought” vs. “The cold bites”.

I knew there was something wrong. I just couldn’t pick it. Thankyou!

I like the transition from a tight descriptive opening and the magical/mysterious ending there.

This feels like it’s going to turn into a full fledged allegory. I like the descriptions.

They struggle on together without having a discussion… there’s something of an understanding between them – yes?