If it stopped at “reddened” it would gain so much, the punchline would be more confident. I chuckled.

Shall edit!

Well done, but I don’t think a King would watch movies. As in, they weren’t invented :D

And it’s infiltrated, not infiltraded.

And how the hell can one panel bring down a castle?!

Well written story dude :D

@Luke: I’m fairly certain this story deals in the absurd. That includes anachronisms.

As for the punchline, I don’t think it’s as funny as the earlier part of the story. We already know the leader of the rebellion is gonna hit it; it’s a given, as you implied. I think it would be more effective to not say the outcome outright, but maybe something as simple as “The architect was later executed.”

Too reminiscent of a recent Family Guy parody, which dealt with the flaw in the Death Star construction.

I don’t think it’s fair to say this is too reminiscent of something else – it might be similar but I doubt it’s intentional – it’s a funny concept!

The thing is, PJ, it kind of loses steam throughout because I don’t think you quite had the courage of your convictions in explaining too much at the end – a sharp, suggestive punchline would have more effect for me.

Also, there are a fair few spelling things – ‘architech’, ‘ordniary’ and so forth, but the idea is a really good one, and goes with a different genre to the other entries I’ve read – so well done on that…

I’ll keep an eye out for edits, because just fixing the spelling things can boost a pencil – MH :)

Ugh, I know. But right now I’m on a laptop with really sensitive keys, and typing isn;t exactly my forte. Usually I’d spend as much time as it took to write checking for edits but I didn’t have a chance, just a hasty jot down of ideas, hopefully I’ll get a chance to redo before the challenge ends because I really love the challenge.

Cute. Has a Python-esque absurdity to it.

Imagine John Cleese as the architect for added fun!

I really enjoyed it, and I personally loved the word ‘architech’, gave it a slightly sci-fi feel which rationalised the movies despite the fantastical setting. As for the Family Guy inspiration, why shouldnt she be influenced, it helps make this story comical, and I like laughing. I will break away from the norm, since too many people are rating three.

I’m coming into this late, so anything I might have said has been covered. However, I did enjoy the humor in this. It reminded me a little of Monty Python. Thank you for the smiles and I look forward to reading more of your stories.