Oh my god. So is he going to kill him then? What a horrible thing to ask of someone.

what a spin on the “old soul” phrase! immortality doesn’t suit the soul…

Nicely done. I’m going to have to work “creamy bastardization of brew” into my everyday speech now… there should be ample opportunity since that would be my style of coffee.

Oh, sweet. Makes me think his brother’s simple.
One thing: you mix tenses at one point, it should be slid instead of slide the revolver.
Otherwise, truly saddening.

What a sad story. Is the cherubic brother a little slow? What a horrible thing to ask a brother to do. You really tug the heartstrings with this one. Well done.

Tactically, I really like the way you crafted the dialogue on a low-American dialect. The story as a whole casts a pretty solid dichotomy between the brothers from the first two sentences, but the dialogue keeps them together at the basest level. Would have been a very different, less nuanced story if you had decided to give one of them a more “sophisticated” accent. Well done.

Wow, I just read this. Great start!

I can really feel how tortured Billy is and how his brother just can’t seem to relate. It immediately makes me want to help Billy and open his brothers’ eyes to what is going on-you could never tell that I was a social worker.lol.