Extreme Metal does not exist.

It’s all a joke, you see? all those long-haired kids and old folks furiously clutching their lasts scraps of youth are pulling a collective prank on you.

Only one Black Metal song has ever been recorded, it’s repeated ad-nauseam in every single album. Death Metal works the same way, it’s even the same song.

Try it at home, choose a random Black Metal song and defy your metalhead friend to identify it, he won’t be able to.

And it’s the same with art house films, do you think they were made to explore the complexity of the human soul? It was just a challenge we came up in a party some years ago, we wondered how pretentious and vapid a film should be for you to see it as it is, when we discussed that artsy nonsense with you somehow you believed it was all real.

But behind the scenes we were all laughing at you.

Because you are right, it’s all about you. The world is really out to get you.

I have also news about your family and friends…