Comments on In the Cemetery by ElshaHawk (LoA)

g²LaPianistaIrlandesa

!!! Then what? Then what?!
- Posted over 10 years ago.
blusparrow (LoA)

OOOO YOU LEFT US HANGING!!!!!!! this is intense lol.
- Posted over 10 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
Paddy Festus

I agree, then what? or is that where we come in…
- Posted over 10 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
ElshaHawk (LoA)

well, while i have SOME ideas, this site is about community, so if you want to jump in, be my guest.
- Posted over 10 years ago.
Marli

Very good Elisha
- Posted over 10 years ago.
Stovohobo

The second to last paragraph seems a little clunky to me. Maybe choppy, or maybe it’s the word “they” too much. It seems to be a few short, expository sentences with a sort of repetition that doesn’t seem to work quite right.

Other than that, though, it’s a nice enough progression into the lady. It remains to be seen how she actually is…
- Posted over 10 years ago.
- 3 out of 5
ElshaHawk (LoA)

good point stovo, I may have fixed that in my hardcopy.. I’ll go change it now! :)
- Posted over 10 years ago.
Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

ewww what stealth
- Posted over 10 years ago.
- 4 out of 5