Ooh, interesting. That last line made me cringe a bit, nicely done.

Thanks for entering!

Ouch. cringes That was a very painful ficly to read, which, if you ask me, is a good thing. It definitely got the point across!

great job capturing what he hears and feels physically during this ordeal!

Great imagery in this one. You really pull the reader into the moment here, like Orange says.

The sound of metal tearing—as opposed to just breaking or snapping—is such an ear-twisting descriptor. Also, crevasse. What a great word.