Spontaneous Combustion

I’m a Homicide cop.

30 years I’ve been on the job. In all that time I never saw a single case of spontaneous human combustion. This past week I’ve seen four.

A woman on Downtown Metro; according to witnesses she just burst into a fireball in the back seat of the bus.

A taxi driver imolated at a red light; he went first, then the gas tank on the cab exploded. What a mess.

A secretary burnt to a crisp in the Mayor’s office records department; that one triggered a three alarm call that injured three firefighters. More than a dozen witnesses swore she just ignited like a January Christmas tree.

And now, this poor schmuck; a Hassidic Jew suddenly becoms a pillar of fire crossing the street in the diamond district and in front of no less than 40 other Hassidics!

It feels like murder to me. All my instincts are working overtime trying to find the connection. There’s no such thing as spontanious combustion. There has to be an explanation.

Say has anyone noticed that it’s getting hot around here?

Uh oh.

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