I think something is missing here, but I can’t put my finger on it. I went in trying to avoid any exposition on the visitor, but maybe that’s needed.

Keeping the murderer anonymous works fine I think, but maybe there should be more of a backstory for Alan, which we could use as a clue to identify the killer. I really like the concept, though, so I’d love to see this edited to its full potential.

hm, yeah there is no clue to the killer’s identity, but the businessman is not happy to see them.. on the other hand, I was surprised st this turn of events, which was good. :)

i like the feel of this piece, but i was able to figure out the twist at about the halfway point.
enjoyed it none the less. i espechaly like alans acceptance