Why do I let you cheer me up?

Why can’t I bask in my self pity and heartbreak?

The sound of your voice was as welcome as the first day we met. Your innocence at my anger and the neediness of your situation drew me in.

Still cautious, I tried to throw out daggers laced with venom, but felt guilty as I did so. Isn’t it easier to forgive and forget? I knew I should have dropped it. I knew I shouldn’t have pushed so hard, refusing to give life to the hope that you would come back all the same.

But I let it in, breathing in your presence as life itself, as it always used to be. Fragile, I was left to think about my rebirth.

The recovery room is pale. In two chairs side by side sit my friend and his new love. They look like they belong together. They look happy, but haggard because of me.

Fresh tears of joy, guilt, and love silently rain down my cheeks. I watch them sleep.

I am back. But how has this changed the friendship? I take my medication and settle in. It will be a long road back.