A nice continuation of the story with a very heady, ominous feel to it.

A couple of writing missteps steal a bit of the thunder. First, and this just may be Mystic’s issue, it went from present tense in the last installment to past tense in this one. “The colors were brilliant…” sentence needs a comma to not be a run-on. That last paragraph could use some revising, especially adding quotation marks around the overheard words.

I hate to nitpick, but you’ve got a great story and some strong emotional elements. It’d be a shame for that to get lost with some minor grammar issues.

Its fine as i stated in my profile im aware my grammer and punctuation is very weak. That is one reason why i like to write here its already helped a lot.

I made a few changes i hope it improved the story a little bit.