Haha! i actually find this the best thing ever…not really, but it made me laugh because its the largest run-on sentence ever, and when you get to the end, it doesn’t actually finish. :)

I was like this better have a good end if ur going to string all those clauses together and I get to the word ‘only’ and it ends?

I actually really like the story, but maybe work a bit on it, and then I’ll take a look tomorrow or something.

This is a nice idea. Is it meant to be read in a circular fashion (the end leading back into the beginning)? That’s a good mirror of the narrator’s situation.

My one nitpick would be that “white padded tomb” really jars for me; it’s thoughtfully evocative and metaphorical, in the midst of a childlike straightforward stream of consciousness.

Yes, it’s meant to be circular. And no, it’s not the longest run on sentence ever; I’m almost positive Poe or Joyce hold that distinct honor.

I actually like this story a bit.

Good story. And I’d like to throw in Woolf for the longest run-on.