Overall I like this a lot. The women are mysterious, the man equally so, and the scene is clearly being set for something. There is a lot here to work with and I think you’ve done a bang up job. On the criticism side I would say that the first paragraph seems bunched up. The dialogue is squeezed in between prose and hard to follow. Also the second sentence in the second paragraph is confusing. Other than those minor nit-picks, I enjoyed your writing. Cheers!

Thanks. My verbose nature makes me stuff too much in small spaces as regards to Ficly but I hope I can be forgiven for my over enthusiasm.