That first sentence is a really good set-up, but I found the second sentence a let-down. It’s not visceral enough. “Red liquid”… raspberry koolaid? If you mean blood, then say it—you’re only allowed 12 words; use them well. “Fear consumes”… what? ‘Consumes’ is a verb that requires an object, but you didn’t provide one.

It was the speaker that was consumed.

I caught that, but at the same time, leaving it open kind struck me in a wide, sweeping way – as if fear was consuming everything. Don’t know if that was intentional – but it was pretty striking that way.

The implication of a complete take-over by fear in a type of panic (I felt) was well conveyed. I connected with the imagery.

Also – something about the use of “red liquid”… to me it seemed almost a phrase from the speaker’s mind – a disconnected denial of what seems blood – implying disbelief as a reaction to what is happening.

Not trying to read into the story here – just commenting what I got out of it.

Yeah… yeah, I’m just fine, Sugar Plum. Mind dialing 911, though, just to be safe?