Warning: The following program contains scenes of broadcast spawning, and may not be suitable for younger viewers.

[opening credits]

Hello. I’m Peter Graves. Tonight on Biography, bluefish: fish-man or man-fish?

[deodorant ad]
[long distance calling ad]

At full moon, bluefish’s parents and friends engaged in broadcast spawning in the Bahamas. 50,000 eggs traveled on the Gulf Stream, hatching a month later.

[insurance ad]
[household cleanser ad]

On hatching, bluefish set about surviving the wild world. These were his formative weeks, and he spent them drifting north.

[feminine hygiene product ad]
[repeat of insurance ad]

Soon, bluefish was on the edge of the North Atlantic Gyre, where he taught himself to read from bits of plastic. He resumed drifting north.

[cola soft drink ad]
[repeat of insurance ad]

In shallow water, bluefish developed limbs. Dragging himself ashore in Iceland, he set about finding an Internet connection.

So, which was he? I’m Peter Graves. Goodnight.

[closing credits]