I love the ending, but I think you could have done more, descriptive-wise. As they say in my journalism class, show, don’t tell. A good example would be how you described what the choking felt like. But the beginning needs a bit more of that.

Totally rad! Makes me want to write a prequel.

You use the pronouns he and him a lot in this story. I think you need to be a little more creative and descriptive. It would make me care more about the character.

Also, in the 2nd paragraph, “justt” should be “just” and “The turned” sb “They turned”. 3rd P 3rd sentence is worded awkwardly. If you take out the clause it turns into “Him left me with such cruel words.” Maybe something like “He was the only one I had, yet he left me with such cruel words.”

I don’t want to be repentative but, I agree with the above reviews. Let the reader figure out what is happening through description and narrative rather than telling us. I struggle with this in my own writing.

A worthy effort. I also agree with the above reviews.